I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
