I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
