Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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