I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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