They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
