they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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