I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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