Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my being single is dangerous.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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