hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
