I wish I only lived at night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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