He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
