My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
