I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
