So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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