I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
