are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
