i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
