Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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