Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
