I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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