if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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