apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who died my cat blue again?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
