Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
