Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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