This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
