Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
