Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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