you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
