that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
