I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
