She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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