I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
