Apparently you make a good broom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
