i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
