All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
