Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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