There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
