Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
