I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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