He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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