Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
