Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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