she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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