Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
