You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She bit a glass in half.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
