Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
