Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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