Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
