How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
