Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
