Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
