from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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