You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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