things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
