I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
