oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
