I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
