just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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