The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
