Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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