I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
