i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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