people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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