She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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