i need an iv and a liver transplant
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
