Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
