Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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