I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
