I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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