Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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