they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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